When we think of stress we very seldom think of children. As adults, our ego centric viewpoint caninhibit us from seeing our children as being stressed since we are the ones to go to work, provide, have bills, etc. Our children are “kids”, they “just go to school”, What could our children possibly be stressed about?? Truth is, everyone experiences stress and reacts to it in their own way. Stress is a way our body responds to environmental, situational and relationship demands. Good stress is stress that encourages us to be motivated into doing our best. However, bad stress is the type of stress that overwhelms our coping mechanisms and begins to impede on the ability to function normally and be our best. Adults and children respond to stress in very different ways. Some of the typical causes of stress in our children come from school and home. Stress at school can come from being in an unstructured classroom, unclear expectations or fear of failure. In this time of year one of the more common examples of this is the tremendous pressure placed on our children with regard to standardized testing. In my practice I've treated children with sleep problems, gastrointestinal issues, headaches, anxiety and unusual emotionality because of the instillation of fear that begins in January and ends in the Spring. Children also experience stress in homes with instability, financial problems, lack of family routines, poor nutrition, family strife and over-scheduling. Parents often miss over-scheduling as form of stress because the intention behind it is to provide the child with many positive experiences and opportunities. However, children will suffer if they do not have downtime. Children need their parents to teach them self care and a huge part of self care is being self aware. Parents can help their child by being attuned to their child. Observe your child and pay attention to the following warning signs; unexplained fears or increased anxiety (clinging), regression to earlier developmental levels, isolation from family activities or peer relationships, toileting or eating concerns, irritability or sleep disturbances. If you notice these changes in your child then be available and open to talk when they are ready. Encourage the open expression of thoughts and feelings, or simply as them if they are overwhelmed. Additional stress is also placed on our children when the child struggles with the belief they might disappoint their parents or let them down. A parent is more likely to notice the stress in their child if they are practicing stress reduction in their own life. Again, we are more likely to be the best parent and role model to our child about self care if we are practicing self care. Look at yourself through the eyes of your child. Do you seem stressed and worked up more often than not? Are you in control of your emotions? Do you operate from a place of mindfulness and self awareness? By taking an honest look at how you manage your own stress will be significant in your success at helping your child.

According to the National Association of Social Workers, who celebrated March as Professional Social Work month, professional social workers advocate for change to help people live healthier and more productive lives, especially when they are navigating through life changes. One of the tenants to being a great social worker is advocating for social justice for marginalized people. One group of people who I have witnessed being commonly overlooked are grandparents who are finding themselves as the primary caregiver to their grandchildren. Social justice is the view that everyone deserves equal economic, political and social rights and opportunities. Social workers aim to open the door of access and opportunity for everyone, particularly those in the greatest need. Currently in the United States, there are 4.9 million children being raised in grandparent head of households. According to the 2009 American Community Survey, 102,000 children in Georgia were being raised by their grandparents or grandparent. The most common reason that children are living with their grandparents is due to parental alcohol and substance abuse but other reasons include child abuse/ neglect, teen pregnancy, death, illness, divorce and parental incarceration. These predicaments bear numerous risks of psychopathology among custodial grandchildren due to prenatal toxins, early childhood trauma, insufficient interaction with parents, family conflict and uncertainty about their future. Some grandparents find it a challenge to meet the psychological and educational demands of their grandchildren due to the negative impact of circumstances that brought them into their home. It can often be a struggle to navigate through the educational arena with an understanding about what is expected from them. Schools have changed tremendously since they were in school so helping with homework and participating in meetings can be a daunting experience. Understanding various social systems like the Courts, Social Services and Medicaid programs also prove to be an enormous undertaking. In my practice, the common experiences I see among custodial grandparents include inadequate support, social isolation, disruption in retirement or later year plans, anger toward parents, and financial strain. These ongoing and unrecognized challenges lead caregivers to experience elevated rates of anxiety, depression, fatigue, irritability and guilt. It is important for those of us in the community to be aware of and compassionate toward these older adults who have assumed an enormous role in their grandchildren's lives. For grandparents that find themselves in this situation remember that it is important and understandable to ask for help and support. One of the best resources is the AARP Grandparent Information Center or the National Center for Grandparents Raising Grandchildren. Remember that you are no good for yourself or your grandchildren if you do not take time for yourself. Take the time to read, take a bath, fish or whatever else helps you to manage stress. It is good for you to also remember your age. You are not physically designed to care for young children, recognize and know your limits, be open and mindful to current clothes, music and ideas. There is a generation separating you and your grandchild and by not recognizing that modern culture is different could lead to unneeded frustrations. Nurture your relationships with others and your partner. Keep the lines of communication open to avoid potential hardship on your marriage. Most grandparents will tell you that they love having their grandchildren around them much of the time but there are some grandparents who find themselves in an unforeseen relationship with their grandchildren. Making society aware of their struggle is the first step in beginning the dialogue on how we can begin to support and help so they can enjoy their later years with improved health and happiness. Live well. Be well.

Today, many parents struggle to understand the relationship between their children and cell phones.In fact, just recently I redirected my own daughter for her behavior, as she was fixated on texting to communicate at a time that I felt was inappropriate.She replied back, “Oh, Mom, like you didn’t text like this when you were my age.”Well, that is just it. I didn’t, and this is what makes this issue so challenging for most modern parents. We don’t have a model to fall back on to empathize and relate.

We are in uncharted water when it comes to understanding all the potential facets to having a cellphone. The upsides to owning a phone are obvious: safety and convenience.The benefits of being able to access help in an emergency situation are undisputed and most parents would agree that being able to get in touch with your child or your child being able to get in touch with you at any time is handy.

However, there are downsides to our children with regard to cell phones. As a mental-health provider,the impact that cell phones have on our youth’s mental health is of great interest to me.Some studies are looking at the addictive behaviors and problematic use of cell phones and are finding links to teen depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Teens are feeling anxiety and unnecessary worry when they text or call one of their friends and that friend doesn’t respond immediately. Some teens are experiencing fatigue associated with being woken up at night by incoming text messages and calls.Another effect is dependence, as teens are reporting that they feel they wouldn’t be able to live without a cell phone once they have one. Research is showing that the more friends a teen has, the more likely they are to feel dependent on their phone and let calls and texts interfere with their daily activities.As a parent, your job is to be aware of this information and have ongoing discussions with your teen.

Discuss with your teen their motivations for wanting a phone. Talk to them about its use for safetyrather than as a status symbol or a way to fit in. It may not only curb your teen’s usage, but it could start a conversation about his or her life; for example, feelings of anxiety, fitting in, and who they feel they need to be talking to and why.Develop a set of expectations about the phone’s use and model appropriate use yourself. As the parent, you have the right to set and establish the rules.For example, a child is expected to answer or call back immediately if a parent calls and cell phones are “turned off and turned in” at night to eliminate late night calling and texting that interferes with your child’s sleep.Parents owe it to themselves and their children to remain vigilantly aware of the impact that smart phones have on our children. A very common issue that continues to resurface in my practice is pre-teen and adolescent sexting. Sexting is sending, receiving, or forwarding sexual photos or sexually suggestive messages through text message or email. A study from the researchers at University of Utah’s Department of Psychology surveyed 606 teens ages 14-18 and found that approximately 20 percent of the teens said they had sent a sexual image of themselves via cell phone. About twice as many teens admitted to receiving a sext. To top it off, of those who reported receiving a sext, well over 25 percent said that they had forwarded it to someone else. So, they're sharing the pics with their friends. In my own practice I have seen this occur in young females as young as 12 years old and continues through adolescences. My advice is to consider the maturity of your child before determining if they should own a smart phone. A child should be able to demonstrate a clear understanding of the implication of having a smart phone and demonstrate an ability to accept and follow the limits put on its use. On going conversations and parental oversight are a must.

Over the years the mental health community has broadened its definition and understanding of trauma.While we have made significant discoveries in recognizing the effects of trauma on children who have directly experienced trauma, we are just beginning to have real dialogue about the implications to children who witness trauma, specifically violence and abuse. As we study more about traumatic stress we are determining that children who witness traumatic events my be vulnerable to post traumatic stress symptoms called secondary post traumatic stress. In my own practice for example, I have witnessed this in children who have witnessed physical abuse and neglect toward an incapacitated adult family member (someone over the age of 18 who either due to physical or cognitive limitations can not take care of themselves). Abuse is defined as “the infliction of injury, unreasonable confinement, intimidation or cruel punishment that causes or is likely to cause physical harm, pain, mental anguish, sexual abuse or the deprivation of essential needs.”

Children who grow up in homes where they are exposed to ongoing abuse and violence may suffera profound effect on brain development. Witnessing abuse and violence causes subtle structural abnormalities that impact the frontal lobe and limbic system which can influence personality deficits, psychiatric and learning disorders. Several factors appear to modulate the degree to which children are affected by witnessing violence for example, when a child is a victim of abuse and witnesses abuse the outcomes tend to be more severe. Another variable includes the nature of the mother-child and father-child relationship because if either parent has serious mental health or substance abuse issues than this may create difficulties at being available to their child in a meaningful way.

When children witness acts of violence it often leads them to experience an intense sense ofpowerlessness and fear. Children do not have the ability to make sense of what they are seeing and often do not have the sophisticated vocabulary to speak about what they are witnessing. As a result, children often feel hopeless, confused, useless, mistrustful of others, angry and scared. These children often want to run away, seek revenge against the perpetrator, have difficulty feeling a sense of connection with others, and feel a sense of loss at losing their innocence.

Children exposed to violence and abuse often struggle in a school setting because in their home environment things are so unpredictable, chaotic and unstable, a child has to adapt in an attempt to emotionally survive. When they attend school the expectations are so vastly different that it can be a challenge to sit still, listen, get along with others and retain what is being taught. These children often cope by keeping to themselves which creates an even greater disconnect from a healthy world. This struggle at school often reinforces a sense of loneliness that the child feels on a constant basis. Adaptability is a human trait we are innately born with to survive but in cases where children have to adapt to an unhealthy environment at home and then perform in a healthy environment at school can prove impossible. We need to become better at recognizing the signs of children who may need help. We can never assume we know what people are experiencing and our actions toward them could hurt more than we ever know. If you suspect someone is being abuse or witnessing abuse please speak up and attempt to help them. Somebody is waiting to be rescued.

Remember that our responsibility as civilized people is to honor each other and advocate for the decent treatment of all beings, especially the vulnerable and weak. We have an ethical obligation to speak out against abuse and neglect by making it a human rights issue. While most would agree that it is not ok to inflict abuse onto other people we should also understand that we should not expose our children to witnessing abuse or violence. It is important for all of us to understand the negative outcomes and the ripple effect on our children, our schools, our community and our society. Live well. Be well.

Warmer weather is stimulating and it usually initiates the planning of our outside weekend activities with our family and friends. We eagerly welcome the opportunity to shed the cold dark winter that kept us captive indoors to embrace warmer, longer days where we play in Nature's playground. In the South, our winters consist of gray rainy days and with the warm sun comes a promise of more energy, lively ballfields, planting gardens and outside entertainment complete with sweet tea. We embrace this new sense of movement as we shed our layers and release the chilly and hibernating days of winter. We are free to be on the go and it feels good.

If you are like most modern families and especially families with children, you stay very active in the Spring with sports and clubs. It is not uncommon for family members to rush from one activity to the other during the week after work and school. Dinners are spent eating on the go , homework done in the car and we stay very busy staying busy. It can be exhausting not only physically but emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. The trap begins when we find ourself out of balance.

The idea of productivity equating to living a full life is an illusion and the outcome can create insidious effects. The demands of modern life create many opportunities for chronic stress, which can affect people of all ages, genders and circumstances and can lead to both physical and psychological health issues. According to the American Psychological Associations, stress is often described as a feeling of being overwhelmed, worried or run-down. If you are frazzled, snappy and irritable, you are most likely experiencing stress.

I too struggle with life's daily demands and the notion that I must be “doing something”. However, what could we potentially learn about ourself if we allowed the time to truly tune into our quiet mind ? It is important for us to take the time to rejuvenate and pay attention to what our body tells us it needs. Our body will let us know when we need to slow down by giving us physical cues, for example, headaches, muscle tension, irritability, high blood pressure, appetite disturbance or insomnia. We avoid slowing down for all sorts of reasons.

Maybe we would struggle with worry, anxiety, or thoughts about our own past; all of the unresolved experiences that we avoid by staying distracted. Let's be honest, staying busy has the advantage of keeping the chatter going in our mind. If we are externally focused on things outside of ourselves then we can avoid the real work on the inside. However, these unresolved issues are what keep us stuck in our lives and keep us struggling with the same lessons again and again.

I’ll be honest; it is very difficult and challenging to “do nothing”. Some people practice this concept for years but there are some things that you can begin to do right now to calm your mind and enhance your regimen of self-care. Start basic with quiet time in the morning or evening, drive home with the radio off, have a designated time over the weekend to unplug from all technology, read instead of watch TV, go for a walk alone so you can be present with yourself. Calming the mind helps create feelings of vitality, decreases physical pain, decreases negative physical symptoms, improves sleep patterns, and helps you relax. The benefits will improve your overall sense of well being and help you live longer. The idea is to make a conscious choice to carve out time to slow down.

Be Well. Live Well.

When was the last time someone asked you, “ what are your values” ? In our fast paced world it is seldom that we have the opportunity to pause and reflect on what we view as “our values”. Do we even know what they are? And if we don’t know what they are, how can we be teaching them to our children? Most people would say that it is very important to teach our children good values because without good values, our children would likely make bad decisions. Our children are influenced by their schools, their teachers, their friends, TV and movies but the most important influence comes from home. As a parent it is necessary to know what values you would like to teach and then “live” those values. If it is important to teach your child to be trustworthy then you have to be trustworthy. This means doing what you say you’re going to do and being honest with your promises and commitments. When a parent makes a false promise, for example, “I will play with you later”, and then they don’t, it not only lets that child down but reinforces the message that it’s okay to not honor your word. It may mean having a conversation with your child about why it is wrong to be dishonest. It may mean that you refuse to spread rumors about others or gossip. This is so important for our children to know so they can be impeccable with their word as an adult. If teaching responsibility is important to you, then you and your family need to act responsibly. This may include giving your child responsibilities like cleaning their room, setting the table, or cleaning up after themselves. Other ways to teach responsibility include praising your child’s efforts and helping them control their emotions. When your child is taught these valuable lessons he or she will likely be more successful in their life because they have experienced the power of accomplishment. Caring is another value that you can teach your child through the use of kind words and kind actions. The more hugs and kisses you give, the more your home will be filled with love and affection. And when our children feel free to express their love to us, we instill in them perhaps the greatest value of all. One of the more important aspects of teaching our children values is to be aware of how we communicate with our child so the “valuable” lesson doesn’t get lost. For example, if you as the parent have decided that education is important in your home then it would make sense that your child is required to do their homework every night. But, if you yell, shame, get easily frustrated with your child while helping them with their homework then not only has the “valuable” lesson regarding education been lost but you’ve missed out on teaching them how to manage negative emotions, patience, tolerance and effective problem solving. The difficult balancing act for parents is teaching your child values while at the same time preserving and fostering a nurturing relationship with your child.

What makes a person happy? What is it that happy people seem to have figured out that unhappy people haven't? It can sometimes seem as if everyone's been invited to the party but you. As cliché' as it sounds, happiness is a state of mind. As a trained cognitive behavioral therapist I routinely help my clients understand that if they change the way they think about an event then they can change their feelings surrounding the event and generate a more positive response. We often do not realize the innate power we are born with to create the world we want to live in. We look around and filter our world through negative thereby feeling unnecessary discomfort.

Often unhappiness is underscored with disappointment. Disappointment is defined as the feeling of sadness and displeasure caused by the non-fulfillment of one's hopes or expectations. We routinely attach ourselves to an outcome and tightly hold on to the expectation of how we think it “should” be. What happens is that we pin our emotions to the outcome and prevent ourselves from being present and “going with the flow”. We potentially sabotage a joyful experience because it didn't fit the image we held so tightly in our mind of what “should” have occurred.

Wow. No attachments to outcomes. That is the one. This is the real hard one… the one I too find myself working on over and over throughout the years. Think about it. Really? No attachments to outcomes’? It can be from the very simple or silly... expecting a call to go through or the microwave to work and get increasingly more difficult when we want a different job, new outlets, or a new relationship. How do you balance manifesting things into reality and then not being attached if they happen or not? I have manifested many things into my life that were at some point, “out there”. Is it because I trusted that all would fall into order or was it because I focused on the process and not the result? I don’t know. All I do know is that I have left behind a trail of disappointments that I put upon myself. Now I am being pulled toward a gentler way.

It's no simple undertaking to let go of attachments. It is a practice that you have to choose to do on a daily basis. However, attachments to outcomes leads to self induced misery. I continue to struggle with getting my feelings hurt, expecting others to treat me how I want to be treated, wanting others to work as hard as me, be as considerate , but I am getting better. I have realized that control is an illusion and I am most certainly not the puppet master. I realize that by accepting life as it is delivered to me is a conscious movement toward being happy.

I am beginning to see and feel a shift in myself. I am noticing that if I just stay mindfully true to what is occurring in the moment then I don’t have the time to think about what’s next. It’s hard and it takes practice. But if I’m going to conquer this I have to continue the internal dialogue that helps me stay grounded. “Stay here. Here is now. All is in divine order.”

For some, entering the holiday season can be a depressive and painful reminder that they are living without a life partner. It can become a reflective time to hyper-focus on the negative aspects of not being married, being divorce, being widowed, and living alone. But it doesn't have to be. In fact you may be surprised to know that you are not alone. In 1950 there were about 4 million people or 10% of households living alone and mostly in the midwest due to migrant men. Today there are more than 32 million people living alone, about 28% of all American households. In his book, Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone, Eric Klinenberg shares that originally he went into his research seeking information about the struggle single people have in America, specifically with aging . He was initially interested in understanding the social problem of single adults being alone and isolated. What he found was something quite different. He began by differentiating between living alone and being alone, being isolated and feeling lonely. Deeper into his research he realized that only a small number of people living alone are actually isolated or lonely. His research indicated that people who live alone actually spend more time socializing with friends and neighbors than people who are married. Living alone is not an entirely solitary experience but rather a social one. Also, with today's technology affording us an opportunity to over connect, people who live alone have the luxury to restore a sense of solitude in their life and move away from the constant chatter and stimulation of digital existence. Home for a single person can be a sanctuary to decompress and not everyone can do that. Yes it is easy to focus on what we don't have but this often leads to negative feelings that ultimately work against a sense of peace and happiness.

Open yourself up to seeing all the positive aspects of living alone. Know that more and more people are choosing to live alone for a variety of reasons. Old school thinking equates living alone to some sense of failure, but this could be further from the truth. Klinenberg's research indicated that most older people want to live alone. They were single not out of desperation but because of a desire for integrity and independence. You've heard the expression “perception is everything”. If you believe your life is deficient because it doesn't look like the image you hold in your mind, then you will call into your life negative feelings to support those beliefs. However, if you choose to see the beauty and all the positive aspects of living alone then positive emotions will begin to grow. More and more older adults are reporting that they enjoy their single life and all the freedom it offers.